Thursday, October 29, 2009

An Open Letter to Union Bank Philippines

Dear Union Bank Philippines,

The last time I wrote an open letter I’s livid with an ex-girlfriend. But I made it sound like fun though, which is not cool ‘coz when that last time I sounded off fun and livid, many people in Neverland died, with their tongues gnashed between their teeth. Okay, you get the picture.

See it’s not good when I sit down to write one of those letters. And it’s for you Union Blank Philippines!

Right, I'm a pissed off consumer. And friends have known me as a very evil man to get pissed off with.

I know you sometimes suck, get fucked up and all that, YawnYawn Bank Philippines. But you've something many of us internet writers need: an EON card. So I cannot but have to take the trouble to know whether you really suck or not. And besides, I no longer have any money left except my savings on PayPal. So, you see, I went to your branch in SM Cebu almost a month ago. I actually waited for my turn to speak with your representative who sat indifferently on his chair, and talk to me as if he owns the bank. I presented him with the requirements, filled up the form, and again waited for your representative to tell me that everything is in order, and that I now have to wait for some days to get the card.

And told me he did. But not after taxing my patience because he seemed to have more important matters to attend to, a chitchat with officemates, talking about their lunch or something, show how gay he is in the office or something. But I forgive him for that. I need the EON card. He told me to get the card after three weeks. He passed me a paper with a landline number, the bank landline number: (032) 232-0680. Call us after three weeks, he said.

Said weeks expired…

I called you. After four rings, the now familiar voice answered and I asked him if the EON card is available for pick up. But fucking retardity ensues,

“You say you applied three weeks ago, and your name again?” Said (let’s just call him) GayTard.

“It’s Jonas Perida, Sir (GayTard). P-E-R-I-D-A…”

“Okay. A moment please... Your card is not available yet, Mr. Perida. You can call us back anytime this week.”

“What do you mean? Can you be more specific, Sir (GayTard)? Is there any problem with my requirements or something?”

“I can't answer you that. Just call us again tomorrow if you like.”

So the next day, I called you back, OnYawn Blank Philippines. And that the same fucking retarded conversation with the GayTard reissued. Then after a weekend, another representative listened to my concern yet still no definite answer. And it’s simply killing me because it happened many times too many, and then for cripessakes some more in the following days.

With my budget dwindling nicely, my lividness grows intensely. So don’t blame me for my uncool habits to fight off damned shenanigans and fucktardity. Or as how you’ve treated me, and probably many others like me.

Yet again, these are bad economic times. And I get it too. So I am giving you some more time to work things out between us, your poor consumer/s, and you fucking Union Bank Philippines you!

Will call you again later (I’m talking to you, Sir GayTard). And may probably blog the progress of this shit.

Wishing you now more success, Union Bank Philippines!

Lividly yours,



  1. Finally, you're indeed angry. :)

  2. he is always angry as if life is not good to him...
    i guess am right, j"

  3. You both are right (and hope you both are hot too and between the ages of 17 and 29)If not, then, I hate both of you!

  4. Even if I reach the age of hundreds, im sure of my sense of taste (sweet and spicy. well, glad that your always angry. lol. and here my sexy blessings for you: "arrggHhHs"

    UBP is a bank i highly recommend.

  5. ei. been a while.
    you know what my sis just had her e-on card after one week of application here in manila. and you say you applied since when??? hahahaha!

    oh boy oh boy! darn bank made jonas mad.
    i will eat you alive. esp. u gay tard!!! hahahah!

    and my sis got her card like how many days???
    S-E-V-E-N, lol. =) teasing you old friend. =)

  6. me,me. am 18 and too hot for you too handle

    cant wait to see you baby in my bed..
    love you baby jonas


  7. @ regina:

    First off, glad to hear from you after a long while. Second off, UBP Manila branches sound nicer and good to know too they treated your sis right. Otherwise..'

  8. i know u ain't laughing my friend but allow me to laugh with you and your "solemn" remarks(amen).. hahahaha! Thanks man!
    Keep us posted on your misadventures with Union B will you?

    long time no see my friend, when are you coming back to cebu? Our fellows can't wait for a little reunion. :D

  9. Ive been a customer of UBP for quite a sometime and even until now. I have lots of misfortunes with UBP as well and the recent one makes me decide to look for other banks like BPI.
    My recent misfortunes really makes me angry when my remittances from Australia was not credited to my Account for already 3weeks. It happened to me many times most of it for local transfer only.

  10. I can relate to your misfortunes, and thanks for sharing..'

  11. the do not send statements of their credit card,
    Union Bank has the worst of the worst, bad service, and very mean bad department heads, The
    Credit Card Statements would not be given or mailed to you very poor courier and if you do not make a payment, they take it against you, UNION BANK, PEOPLE HAVE THE RIGHT TO SEE STATEMENTS, your bank is very judgemental

  12. I perfectly share the same predicament, credit card statements not being mailed to you perhaps the other way around, we do not receive the card
    statement from the mail and they expect to be paid on time,

  13. The are a damn ass, I am pulling out my money from them, my son tells me it is not a stable bank
    that is too scary