An Open Letter to Union Bank Philippines

Dear Union Bank Philippines,

The last time I wrote an open letter I’s livid with an ex-girlfriend. But I made it sound like fun though, which is not cool ‘coz when that last time I sounded off fun and livid, many people in Neverland died, with their tongues gnashed between their teeth. Okay, you get the picture.

See it’s not good when I sit down to write one of those letters. And it’s for you Union Blank Philippines!

Right, I'm a pissed off consumer. And friends have known me as a very evil man to get pissed off with.

I know you sometimes suck, get fucked up and all that, YawnYawn Bank Philippines. But you've something many of us internet writers need: an EON card. So I cannot but have to take the trouble to know whether you really suck or not. And besides, I no longer have any money left except my savings on PayPal. So, you see, I went to your branch in SM Cebu almost a month ago. I actually waited for my turn to speak with your representative who sat indifferently on his chair, and talk to me as if he owns the bank. I presented him with the requirements, filled up the form, and again waited for your representative to tell me that everything is in order, and that I now have to wait for some days to get the card.

And told me he did. But not after taxing my patience because he seemed to have more important matters to attend to, a chitchat with officemates, talking about their lunch or something, show how gay he is in the office or something. But I forgive him for that. I need the EON card. He told me to get the card after three weeks. He passed me a paper with a landline number, the bank landline number: (032) 232-0680. Call us after three weeks, he said.

Said weeks expired…

I called you. After four rings, the now familiar voice answered and I asked him if the EON card is available for pick up. But fucking retardity ensues,

“You say you applied three weeks ago, and your name again?” Said (let’s just call him) GayTard.

“It’s Jonas Perida, Sir (GayTard). P-E-R-I-D-A…”

“Okay. A moment please... Your card is not available yet, Mr. Perida. You can call us back anytime this week.”

“What do you mean? Can you be more specific, Sir (GayTard)? Is there any problem with my requirements or something?”

“I can't answer you that. Just call us again tomorrow if you like.”

So the next day, I called you back, OnYawn Blank Philippines. And that the same fucking retarded conversation with the GayTard reissued. Then after a weekend, another representative listened to my concern yet still no definite answer. And it’s simply killing me because it happened many times too many, and then for cripessakes some more in the following days.

With my budget dwindling nicely, my lividness grows intensely. So don’t blame me for my uncool habits to fight off damned shenanigans and fucktardity. Or as how you’ve treated me, and probably many others like me.

Yet again, these are bad economic times. And I get it too. So I am giving you some more time to work things out between us, your poor consumer/s, and you fucking Union Bank Philippines you!

Will call you again later (I’m talking to you, Sir GayTard). And may probably blog the progress of this shit.

Wishing you now more success, Union Bank Philippines!

Lividly yours,

Jonas