Monday, February 23, 2009

Of Lost Art of Courtship & Conquest

Looks like I have lost the art of courtship and conquest of women and I am just 26. Don’t get me wrong. I had my share of lulling women to my arms. I started as early as 11 and made a good career of it till I was 25. There were women alright, lots of them, and that is the sort of thing not to be tallied. But it would have shamed Giacomo Casanova. They were all decent women, and well, a few numbers of whores too. Of course, some were married while the rest are between 15 and 25. And there were times of weariness and anxiety of getting one of them pregnant. Don’t blame me since there must be some element of love in each affair and besides each party usually dupes the other. I don’t know the reasons but seems like I lost the hang of it now or maybe the challenge no longer interest me. Or it could be that the filling of wenches is not really a greater part of my nature as the emptying of bottles.


Yet why the heck I occupy myself with this? Is it that I am sort of adoring-sick again, my raging hormone-related sickness, or just totally freaked-out and lonely?

I told myself I am doing okay and I can make it alone. Why not? It was only some weeks ago that I live in with a woman? We were together for many months and yet still my heart long for some place alone. And now that I am alone, my mind starts to wander around, eyeing some sexy-clad women in malls and streets wishing to speak with them and lulled them to some excitement somewhere. Why that’s plain unfair, and pervert, and I don’t really like it. Sometimes.

Or it could be that I am longing for something more. Something that is sublime and great that could make me get up in the morning with a gaiety heart. That something, they said, to live with and die for.

It was just but an hour ago when a friend asked me why all of a sudden I stop to write for this dotcom company. I told her I don’t know and I seem to have lost it too – the interest of writing. And for cripessake, it is how I am earning my living for quite some time now. And it affected my friend too because she too is earning something through me. You see I gave her half of my writing assignments. If my productivity goes well, my assignments will go well too as the editor will give me more to write. Consequently, I got no projects for the whole week. The editor understands it as not a good idea to give me some assignments this time, with the deadline at the end of the month and I appear to be consistent not to care about deadlines. And with my performance last week provides her enough reason not to give me anything. I think my friend will understand. I hope so. I am in such a tight hole and I am struggling to get out. So this friend told me, maybe I need inspiration. I know what she meant by that and replied what for in a jest. Then I remember George...


Back to what I said about courtship and conquest, I lost it. Since when, I don’t know but it could be sometime after I turned 25. Maybe I need again to practice or something and gain some confidence along it, or get worse by doing so. But I think I don’t really want it. If I really need this woman, there will be ways to have her. If she wants me, it will be bliss. If not, well, there will be additional reasons to be more miserable. As you may know I meet this woman and she is beautiful as she is smart, simply beautiful, those lovely eyes, the face of an angel, and her voice so sweet and engaging I want to listen to it night and day. She was an acquaintance in my previous job some months back. We had some good times together with other officemates and I really like her the first time I saw her when she first set foot on the building. Although I did fancy her a lot, I could die for her, I did not make any attempts to seriously court her. There were obstacles besides from the fact that she is engaged to someone as I was with someone too that time. So I just sort of be satisfied to see her around in the office and went out together with the other officemates. So that was that till I finally resigned my job and hopped in to another one in yet another location and company.

I lost contact with her for months till today. She still looks great and I find my heart still aches for her that made me a bit incomprehensible in my speech. I just finished reading a Saul Bellow book when she appeared from somewhere. She asked me what I am doing in Ayala and told her my room is too hot I need to stay in the mall. She said hers too and she’s waiting for someone for lunch. It was only around 11am. I asked her for coffee and got a little lucky to still have some money left in my pocket to buy a cappuccino at Bo’s. I just resigned yet again from my job which brings me to this present bumming-writing stint. She asked me why and replied why what. Why I resigned from my job and told her the only sure answer I got: I don’t know. And I am in the process of figuring out something for my life to fit in and that job is not it. Besides I have this work. I do freelance writing which I seem to be not doing so well too. She said okay and told me she arrived last Monday from Leyte and now she is waiting for a friend. At the back of my head, I was hoping that she's waiting for a female or gay friend. Please Lord, make it gay, my heart also prayed.

We had quite a talk though I am not too good at it. But we talked about general topics about how was this and that friend now, about landing a job somewhere, chatted with some friends online, exchanged cellphone numbers and decided on a date this Friday with some of our common friends. She finally needed to go and I wish her well. I stayed for a while, cursed my goofy manners, and have myself go to my room to finally write something.

10 comments:

  1. *laughters*
    ....

    it's "the" inspiration.
    ....

    why is it that at some point
    we end up needing one?
    ....

    it's good to hear about that acquaintance
    of yours.
    ....

    she sure did make you
    write something.
    .....

    finally.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Right. Even Jesus & His Disciples and the Beatles made it at the top having each other.

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  3. And hey.. Thanks thanks thanks.. You know what that for.. WTH, let's hang out sometimes!

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  4. hey jonas

    ur such an unfair person..thanks for this..

    hope you have a nice life ..please stop hurting me..

    lyn

    ReplyDelete
  5. and if you wanna make fun of me in this comments in your blogspot..hope you dont..just respect the fucking fuck that i never know we broke up. and its so obvious your hormones been rising now soo goodluck for this so called hormonal imbalnce you have and im quite glad your out of my veins now.
    im out of the disease now which is you.

    lyn

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  6. Oh, well and hell, I rest the case.

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  7. You write quite well and your ideas are good. Maybe a little polishing of the grammar but blogs are not supposed to be always grammatically correct, right?

    You need something to really focus your life.

    Cheers!

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  8. Hello now Good Sir! I forgot something of my serious responsibility about grammar. Nobody taught me anything about it. What's it/he/she (preferably the she) really like? But just the same there's great pleasure in straying and breaking rules, miss grammar included.. Thanks for visiting this part...

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  9. A truly eclectic topic selection here. I will read them when time permits.

    Perhaps you are on your way to becoming a polymath or something.

    All for the best.

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  10. idontlikethedrugs,butthedrugslikesmeMarch 20, 2009 at 3:47 PM

    yahh mr. good guy jonas writes really good...

    Mr._ _ _ _ _ what i will call you, i have been in soo many relationships but when that our being together didn't work, i didn't shout it to the whole world and be proud of it that we're through.. NOT as what you have did. Give a little respect to your X please..

    ReplyDelete