Monday, May 26, 2008

Fucked-Up Diet Series: Food Not To Eat... Wait, Don't Drink That!

Lunch without diet coke is like eating cake without icing, says my friend Gian. She was digressing after I told her what dietitians are up to now, that this and that food products, which includes her diet coke, will make her fat, and she's in her phase 3 of South Beach Diet or something. Feeling upset, she threw at me a handful of munchkins which I caught with my mouth and them munchkins disappeared. I expected such outburst. It's not just feel right, she says. That innocent bubbly, syrupy good taste that tinges gently in my mouth after consuming my diet lunch. You kidding me, right?

It's not my wont telling bad news to friends. But Gian needs some help in her diet. And she is a wonderful friend. It pains me looking at her, suffering in silence. So I told her what she thinks of her self. I said to her, Hey Gian, you ugly fat bitch, you've been on a diet, you say? How 'bout this thing I learned from them fucking dietitians that you should stop drinking diet colas or throw them away diet foods you store in your room, or else, so they say, your diet plan would come to nada. You've been telling us for fucking months now that you've been on a diet for crissakes!

That's how she started digressing. I couldn't stop her. No one can stop a fat woman from digressing when she's at it. Except perhaps the awesome Ironman.

Contrary to popular belief, courtesy of television and billboards, diet cola, fruit juices in cans and other diet food products are being sold in the market not to make you slim but to make you fat. Avoid them like the plague if you want to lose weight. Even a child knows this simple logic: the more you are fat, the more you want to consume food, probably drink more colas and eat some more. The desired result is not really for you, the consumer, but the ones who manufacture them (no offense intended) to earn big profits. Ergo, be smart to let go of your diet cola in your diet menu if you're that serious to lose that excess poundage. You will do best in your diet by eating less yet eating well.

But how come there is “diet” on the label? Yes, right, by asking the question, you almost hit the point as retarded idiots always do, almost hitting fucking point and nothing else. Working once in a marketing department, taking charge of the copy write and advertising the product to be precise, everything needs to be thought out and (voila!) what you have in them labels are what every consumers want to see in them products. The putting of that “diet” label, however, is not easy because lobbying for that word to appear in the copy takes time to get an approval from the FDA and BFAD. Also, secks!

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