Conversations With My Self

5:52 AM, Friday



Self: Hey Jonas, wake-up!

Jonas: How’s ta deal, mmmh wahtz zzzzzzZZ

Self: Cripes, dude, wake-up!

Jonas: Shhhudup, Self. It’s (looks for his cuckoo clock) where’s my cuckoo clock for goodness’ sakes?

Self: You never have a cuckoo clock.

Jonas: Well, it’s 5:53 in the morning! You know that I don’t get up at 5:53 in the morning. I'm always up at 8 and you know that.

Self: Yes, I know. But it’s different now. You have a new job.

Jonas: I have?

Self: Yes. Remember that beautiful HR lass that interviewed you yesterday afternoon? She called up last night and told you you got the job, but you were very drunk, you thought she was Vivien Leigh from Gone With The Wind.

Jonas: I saw her. She looks like Vivien Leigh from Gone With The Wind.


Self: Dude, you are to report to their office today. Now get your ass off the bed. You have to shave that fricking mustache and goatee you’ve tried to grow. Drink your milk before going to bath. I mean now!

Jonas: zzzzzzzZZ

Self: Hey Jonas, wake-up? (Self brings the conversation to the other side of the brain where Jonas dozes off like a baby, tickling him painfully with buzz thoughts.)

Jonas: Now what?

Self: Remember that page in your Facebook?

Jonas: What Facebook?

Self: You called yourself “chaotic good”.

Jonas: You are chaotic good.

Self: No I am not, and you aren’t too.

Jonas: I am chaotic good.

Self: Far from it.

Jonas: I am.

Self: You are not.

Jonas: I

Self: Not.

Jonas: Now, stopit. I am chaotic and good.

Self: If being drunk every night and having this kind of conversation with me at 5 in the morning can be called chaotic, then you are chaotic. But good?

Jonas: Have I not fed you with peanut butter from time to time?

Self: Yes.

Jonas: Take you to bath twice a day?

Self: Yes, you do that.

Jonas: Sing you a Justin Bieber song or whatever it sounds like before tucking you up in bed every night?

Self: Hey, for whatever reasons, don’t bring Justin Bieber to our conversation. But, yeah, you do that every night without a miss.

Jonas: I have done those things for one sole reason. I am good.

Self: No, you are just chaotic.

Jonas: And good.

Self: Chaotic.

Jonas: Chaotic good.

Self: Quixotic.

Jonas: Shudup! I’m going to the bathroom.

(Self grinning like the devil.)